Year Away From Home
by Evil Red Things
Summary: HPDM sasunaru Xover Fred and George get their hands on a yearly portkey and intend to send Draco with it. Harry tries to stop them but ends up going with Draco. They arrive at a village called...Konoha?
1. Prologue

Welcome to our very fist fic! We didn't know what category to write for so we decided to combine two of our favourites together: Harry Potter and Naruto!

My name is Ki-chan and this is my plot bunny that I nourished with love and care. If it is in anyway similar to your fic, it is purely coincidental and I did _not_ try to steal your bunny or anything. My co-author is running late so I will entertain you with my singing…

Chi-chan: STOP!!!!! Ki-chan! You promised! NO SINGING!! Remember the last time?

Ki-chan: It's not _my_ fault you were running so late. And last time doesn't count because _you_ were singing with me…

Chi-chan: I was not… was I? and I am the co-author… Chi-chan nice to meet you, just to set things straight Ki-chan nourished the damn rabid bunny but I _trained _it so THERE! HAH!

Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter _or_ Naruto. If we did, this wouldn't be a fanfic but an actual book that suckers, I mean fans, like you will buy and read.

Warning: this story contains shounen-ai. In English… boys love so yeah… and maybe a few swear words here or there, hence it is rated T. if you think the rating needs to go up, or we need to change the category, please feel free to tell us.

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Prologue

Most of the time, Fred and George don't _try_ to cause trouble. _Most of the time_. This time, however is one big exception. They are not merely _causing_ Trouble, oh no, they are inviting Trouble into their humble abode with open arms, smiling faces and a huge cake reading 'WELCOME'.

Is this an exaggeration?? I don't think so.

Still not convinced? Let's take a look at what they did.

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One morning, the day before the twins were due back on the Hogwarts Express in fact, Fred and George were putting the finishing touches to their masterpiece plan: Operation *******. (The name of the plan is a secret)

They had gotten their thieving little paws, I mean, hands on a TSMO (Top Secret Ministry Object). That something was a portkey. Now if it was an ordinary portkey, it wouldn't be a TSMO. It just so happened that that particular portkey had an unknown destination. That also was not the problem. Just wave the magical stick called a wand and say a few choice words and voila, destination revealed. The problem was that no one had ever heard of the destination. What kind of name is 'Konoha' anyway??

The twins had figured out (by way of a few choice spells) that the portkey was a yearly portkey, meaning, every year, at precisely 1400 hours, on the 4th of September, the portkey (and whoever is touching it) will travel from wherever it is to a certain destination. The TSMO portkey has two destinations meaning that it will alternate between the two destinations every year. What excited the twins even more was the fact that the portkey was a pendant in the shape of a flame with some kind of swirly leaf symbol on it. That means it is perfect prank material.

They decided to use the pendant as a secret admirer gift for someone. They already had the letter that would be attached to it ready and everything. Now all they needed was a target.

Dear little Ronnie-kins? Their mother is Molly Weasley. That alone is a terrifying thought add that to the fact that he is Harry's best friend and you have a BAD idea.

Harry? Nah, they could get mobbed if they sent the Saviour of the Wizarding World _anywhere_ let alone an unknown destination and for a whole year. Harry belittles himself so much he would probably give the pendant to somebody else anyway.

Who else?

The person has to be not in their mother's good books, somebody who won't be missed for a year and most importantly, arrogant enough to truly believe that they deserve secret admirers. That takes out all the Gryffindors then. And the Hufflepuffs. And the Ravenclaws. And the…wait. Of course! The Slytherins! It's perfect! And who better than the Ice Prince himself?

If anybody happened to pass by at that time, they would take one look at the twins' face and run screaming back the way they came. It was not for the fainthearted.

The twins had to wait until they were at Hogwarts before they could send off their letter. Everyone knew Pig because of the pandemonium he caused every time he tried to deliver something. They needed to use one of Hogwarts' many spare owls.

They had convinced their father to let them write the letter on his muggle invention called a con-puke-tar (those muggles are a weird bunch. Who is Con and why the hell is he puking tar? And what has that got to do with the machine?) They just needed to print it out and wrap the necklace they put the pendant on.

Once it was printed, they reviewed it one last time:

_Deer my darling Draco_

_I hav had a hewge crush on you ever since I first laid my I's on you. You hav the most gorges blond hair and I could get lost in your grey I's, but then that would be silly coz I wouldn't bee able tew see yew any mor. I no you don't no hu I am but I felt that you needed to no of my efeksions. As proof of my love, I give you this nek lace. Plese ware it evry days and think of me._

_Love,_

_Your Secret Admirarer _

Perfect. A stupid blonde that wants the "Ice Prince", just perfect.

Now all they needed was to make sure they got it to Malfoy before the 4th. They went to bed that night wearing identical evil smirks.

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The next day, while they were waiting for the Hogwarts Express, the twins didn't notice Harry behind them, listening them whisper about their plan. To say Harry was horrified was a big understatement. Sure, he didn't like Malfoy, but to send him away for a whole _year_? Wasn't that overkill? Before he could cut into the twins' conversation, the Hogwarts Express came and everyone boarded.

As Harry boarded, he got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He sighed. This was _not_ going to be an uneventful year like he had hoped. Not only does he have Voldemort to deal with, he needs to foil the twin's plans. He sighed again. Stupid Hero Complex! Just wouldn't leave him alone. Neither would Dra…lets not go there.

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Chi-chan: so yeah… that's it for now… I don't like subliminal messaging so I won't tell you to review… Nope!

Ki-chan: But I do so….REVIEW!!!!!! or no cookies. BWAHAHAHAHAHA… yeah…

Chi-chan: before I forget, if you have any alternative titles for this fic, please tell us because we couldn't think of anything good and just settled with 'Year Away From Home' out of desperation.

Ki-chan: awww…my title isn't _that_ bad…

Chi-chan: yes it is. So I repeat, please help us with the name!


	2. Chapter 1

Chi-chan: Hello there!!! Well here is the second chappie!!! I hope… we, _we _hope you enjoyed the prologue. *chuckle nervously and look over shoulder hoping _someone_ didn't hear the little stuff up.*

Ki-chan: did you just try to take all the credit?! Why you little…

Chi-chan: Ahahahaha… oh… crap.

Disclaimer: _We_ do not own Naruto or Harry Potter… we just got out of jail from trying to steal them…it'll be a while before we try anything again…yup, a whole 10 minutes!

Warning: see first chappie

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'Blah blah' –sarcastic word or however you want to say it

"Blah blah" - speech

_Blah blah_ – thoughts or emphasis on a word

*blah* - sound effects

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Chapter One

Draco stared at the note… he'd been staring at it for the past fifteen minutes. Never in his life had he gotten a note so hard to decipher. It was an insult to his intelligence. _How dumb can a person get? Who in the name of Merlin doesn't know how spell 'eyes'?_ He then looked at the little parcel in his hands. He was just going to throw it out but his heart wavered when he saw the nicely tied green ribbon. Who wouldn't want to open such a nicely wrapped present? It was wrapped in _his _colour after all. Finally deciding just opening it wouldn't hurt anyone, Draco carefully unwrapped the parcel.

Several layers of silvery green tissue paper later, he came to a little jewellery box and in this box sat the most beautifully simple necklace. It had flame with a swirly leaf design for the pendant; most likely made out of platinum and a long chain so that it could be worn without being detected by the teachers. It was delicate, it was simple, yet it was _masculine_ (can't forget that point). Draco absolutely _loved it_. Whoever this dumb-shit girl was, she had taste in jewellery and because of that he would forgive her for her idiocy. Draco slipped the necklace on and revelled in the warm and fuzzy feeling that spread through his body. From that moment on, Draco Malfoy fell in l…l…like. _Crap, I almost said the 'l' word._ He thought to himself. _Father would never forgive me if I said the 'l' word._

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Harry felt a lurch in his stomach. Oh no, it was his instincts telling him something was wrong. Someone is going to get into deep trouble and they don't know it yet. Harry hated his instinct, it got him into (a lot of) trouble, but the damned inbuilt alarm was normally correct. _Crap_. Stupid hero complex. Now he had to go _find _whoever's in 'deep trouble' and save him/her. Just _great_. And you know what's even better? Harry had a pretty damned good idea who this damsel in distress was and he resented that.

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_4__th__ September 0501 hours_

Draco tossed in his sleep; his chest uncomfortably warm. There is something activating and his tiny Gryffindor side (yes the Malfoy has a Gryffindor side) was telling him to wake and check it out… _nope can't be bothered._

Harry groaned, the knot in his stomach was getting bigger and the sense of foreboding wouldn't let him sleep. He had to get up at _six_ tomorrow for Merlin's sakes! He has potions homework to finish! Harry hardly got _any_ sleep these days… if it wasn't Moldy Voldy it was his damned instincts telling something was going to go wrong. He was going to have to invest in dreamless potions. Not that light stuff either, he was talking about the heavy duty ones.

Fred and George sat in the Gryffindor common room and chuckled, eight hours and fifty-nine minutes before a Malfoy-less year. 'This is going to be so damn good!' they thought in their evil little heads. They almost squealed in delight. Almost, mind. The other people in the common room were already walking in a big circle around them. No need to scare the poor first years.

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_4__th__ September 0700 hours_

Draco Malfoy woke up feeling decidedly un-Malfoyish. He was happy for one, he wanted to _embrace _the world for two and he felt like _travelling_. He was shocked at his feelings. _Happy? Embrace the _world_? Travelling?? _He was a Malfoy god dammit! They weren't supposed to be _happy_! Likewise for embracing the _world_? _And_ he's _never_ liked travelling, in fact he _hated_ it. He hated it almost as much as he hated sweet things. He _hated _it, he wasn't frightened… there's a difference. Draco shrugged off the unnatural feelings, it was just teenage hormones. _I hope_

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_4__th__ September 1330 hours_

Harry got out from his bed, he was not a pretty sight… mussed hair and bags as big as your Grandpa's shorts. Harry rubbed his face and yawned, looks like he'd have to warn Malfoy or his instincts and conscience wouldn't leave him alone. _Now, what do I know about this little plan? I know that it is a portkey that would take Malfoy away from Hogwarts for a year; I know that it activates on the 4__th__ September at an exact time… what's the day today?_ An alarm went off in Harry's head._ Oh shit. _Harry threw on the first clothes he came across _4__th__ September? That's _today_. And its 1:30pm already. Malfoy might be gone already!_

Harry barrelled through his dorm and out of the common room. 'Harry!' was heard all around. Harry didn't care; all he cared about was finding Draco Malfoy. Now where would I go if I was Draco Malfoy? Probably the dungeons. He raced down the stairs of Hogwarts, cursing them as they moved and slightly set back his plan. Finally, he had reached the Slytherins' domain. The dimly lit hallways increased Harry sense of urgency. _Where the hell is Malfoy? He's never there when you want him to be, but he's always there when you don't feel like dealing with him. Stupid pest. Wish I had a bottle of Draco-icide._ Harry growled.

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The twins cackled with glee… just 5 more minutes before Malfoy was gone…they could just see their bright future ahead of them.

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Harry saw a swish of platinum blonde hair and sighed with relief, _Malfoy's still here_. He put a burst of speed into his legs to catch up with the man. "Malfoy!" he hollered in Malfoy's general direction. Said man turned around with a look of utter surprise, before replacing it with his usual look of disdain. It _was_ Harry Potter calling after him. He briefly contemplated walking faster but before he could decide, Harry was skidding to a stop in front of him.

Harry panted "Malfoy, *gasp* take off the *wheeze* necklace that I _know _you're wearing."

One perfect, blonde eyebrow rose. "Hm, and why should I?"

"Just fucking do it."

"Ooh, Potter has a potty mouth."

"I'm telling you! You'll regret it if you don't! Take it off NOW!"

"…No." _Who the hell does he think he is, telling a Malfoy what to do?_

With a grunt of annoyance Harry launched himself at the glint of silver peaking out of Malfoy's shirt. Harry tried to forcefully rip the chain off, but of course, Malfoy was holding onto it. They scuffled for a few minutes, before it resulting in a tug of war for the pendant.

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A maniacal laugh was heard through out the school as the school clock chimed two o'clock. *ding* *ding*

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Harry and Draco had no idea on what happened. Well, _Harry_ had a faint idea, but Draco didn't. All he knew was that one minute Potter was trying to take away his beloved pendant and the next they were flying through space and getting dumped on something. Whatever it was, it sure saved Draco some bruises and for that he was eternally grateful.

A groan was heard…

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

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Chi-chan: so… yea… review??

Ki-chan: I thought you didn't _like_ subliminal messaging?

Chi-chan: *ignore* By the way, we realise that everyone is OOC and it doesn't follow the canon because if it did, Fred and George wouldn't be in school while Harry and Draco are in their 5th year and Draco wouldn't have a Gryffindor side.

Ki-chan: tee hee, guess what Harry and Draco landed on!


	3. Chapter 2

Ki-chan: WELCOME TO OUR NEW CHAPPIE!!!!

Chi-chan: Uh huh, welcome indeed! We've finally worked up the motivation…

Ki-chan: we've just finished exams!!!! YAY!!! Now, we can fully focus on this chappie. We tried to write it when we were both high and it DIDN'T work…the fact that it was over MSN added to the…unworking-ness…

Chi-chan: Thankfully, we're both quite normal today… as normal as we can get anyway, so on with the chappie!!

Disclaimer: if you haven't realized yet because you are one of the people who read stories backwards, we do NOT own any of the characters that appear in the story (so far) so get off our case bitches!

Warning: I'm assuming you've read the 1st chapter so I won't repeat.

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'Blah blah' –sarcastic word OR quoting

"Blah blah" – speech

_Blah blah_ – thoughts or emphasis on a word. You should be smart enough to work out which is which

"_Blah Blah"_ – spell word OR emphasis in speech. Again, you should be able to work out which is which

*blah* – sound effects

(blah blah) – words that are either not entirely essential OR translations for dialogue. You be the judge.

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Chapter 2

Naruto was having a good day. He got up at noon, ate ramen and was off to bug Sasuke to train with him. He sniggered. _I wonder what the teme will say when I beat him today?_ He was so preoccupied that he didn't realise the power pole in front of him. "OWWWWW! Where the hell did that pole come from? I could have sworn that it wasn't there a minute ago!"

Still grumbling to himself, he headed off to his old training ground. To his surprise, Sasuke was already there, on the other side of the training ground, practising a few moves.

'Oi teme! Let's train! Get ready for a beating! Today's the day that you lose!' Naruto hollered over to Sasuke.

Sasuke looked up, smirked at the bump on the dobe's head (yes, the result of power pole meeting Naruto's head was big enough to be seen that far away) and said, 'Hn.' Not that Naruto could hear him.

Flustered by the lack of response, Naruto impulsively shouted, 'No ninjutsu or genjutsu! Only taijutsu allowed. I'm gonna beat you up and then say to your sorry face 'Hn'!!. Just you wait…!" Naruto kept ranting for a good ten minutes, but Sasuke tuned him out.

'…Hn' was the only reply Naruto got at the end of that award winning speech.

Naruto rushed towards that evil smirking bastard. Just as he was pulling his arm back to land a punch he yelled "Get ready, teme!"

If possible, Sasuke's smirk widened "H – *mmph*!!!!" And that, my friends, is the sound Sasuke makes as his face gets intimate with the ground. Somewhere in front of him, he heard the…unique sound of Naruto's voice.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Naruto only had time to squeeze out those last words before his face was covered with a black…robey…thing…

The person (Naruto assumed) on top of him groaned. "Holy hell, where in the name of Merlin _is_ this place?" was what Harry said. What Naruto heard was different. He heard "kheq fkaefohie wlefowe faohtwe Flkwaf _oaw _oifho?"

Meanwhile, Harry was trying to decipher what the people around him had just said. Unfortunately, as it was a different language, he obviously got very confused. When it finally clicked that it was actually a _different language_, his mind went _Oh…_before trying to remedy the problem. _Now, what was that spell that made me able to talk to people in their own language? Translato? Lingua? No… there was something before Lingua ... percepi? perceptumi? Perceptum! So it goes Perceptum Lingua?_ (1)

Harry took out his wand and gave it a swish "_Perceptum Lingua_!" nothing happened. _That's odd…I'll try again…_ "_Perceptum Lingua_!" this time…nothing happened again. Harry started to mutter angrily while waving his wand around "stupid wand…is there a wand shop here? ...needs to be fixed…stupid _Perceptum Lingua_…whoa" as he muttered the spell, sparks flew out of the end and covered him and the blonde (_is that natural??_) person underneath him. Harry managed to catch the last few words of the blonde's…uh…colourful rant.

" –pid glasses man…boy…thing…person…heavy son of a bitch…get the fuck off me you fatso!!! Have you never heard of a diet?? Huh?? Are you listening to me?? Bastard…"

Harry scrambled off the blonde. "Hi," he said, smiling sheepishly, "my name is Harry. Could you please tell me where I am?"

Naruto smiled at the person newly dubbed as 'Harry', having an instant mood change. He always was a sucker for smiles. "Hi!" he said cheerfully, "I'm Naruto! And you are currently standing on the old Team 7 training ground in Konoha!"

You could just see the question marks hovering above Harry's head. "Kono..wha…?"

"No, no. It's not 'Konowha', it's Ko-no-ha." Naruto corrected. Upon seeing the (still) confused look on Harry's face, his jaw dropped. _Wait…_

"Holy crap you don't know Konoha?? What kind of tunnel under a rock do you live in?? Or are you an alien? You're not an alien right? Right?" As Naruto blabbered on, the distance between his and Harry's face decreased and Harry had the oddest sensation of a lamb being cornered by a wolf. Albeit a very cheerful and blonde wolf.

Harry laughed nervously at the blonde before him "No, no, I'm not an alien. Just lost."

Naruto opened his mouth to reply but a very…interesting sight caught his eye. _Sasuke. And a pale blonde guy. Communicating. USING TEME LANGUAGE!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! _

Harry, on noticing Naruto's quietness, glanced over at where Naruto was staring, open-mouthed. He noticed that it was vaguely in the direction where he thought Draco had landed. What he saw warranted the same reaction Naruto had. _Draco. And a black haired guy. Communicating. USING PRAT LANGUAGE!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! _They even had the same number of exclamation marks!

Harry didn't realise that he had spoken out loud though, and was surprised when his vision was filled with a blonde mass with blue eyes. Said blonde mass grinned, showing slightly pointier than expected canines and said, "I think that we are going to get along _very_ well."

---Rewind to when Draco landed on Sasuke---

One minute Sasuke was getting ready to humiliate the dobe again, the next, somebody decided that they wanted to punish him for whatever (_I SWEAR I helped that old lady across the road this morning…) _and sent this heavy thing to crash onto him. Uchihas always have great reflexes? Myth busted.

The _thing_ on top of him slowly clambered off him and stood next to him, not even bothering to check and see if he was okay, instead, it seemed to be checking itself over for injuries. _Bastard. Falling on top of someone and not even bothering to check and see if they are alright. _Never mind that Sasuke would have done the same thing, if put in a similar situation. But then again, Sasuke's own safety always came first.

Sasuke slowly gathered his body and his pride (which had gone down with him when he hit the dirt) and blazed out his most intimidating aura. Like hell he was going to wilt before this arrogant…creature, for lack of better (worse) word. Taking in the person in front of him, he could safely say that it was male with skin almost as pale as his own. He also noted that the person's hair was blonde. Not sunshine blond like the idiot, but very, very light blond. Almost but not quite white. Sasuke scoffed at the obviously loved hair. _Mine is so much better. Whatever hair products he uses must be second class. And is that hair gel I detect? Uchihas never need to resort to hair gel to style our hair… seriously. _

While Sasuke was looking over the invader, Draco was doing much the same. The first thing he noticed was the blue black hair. _…hair…oooh pretty… let… me… touch… wait… no… must resist… temptation…_As Draco was struggling with his internal battle, he was completely oblivious to Sasuke standing up and glaring at him. When he finally did manage to realize, he returned the glare with one of his own. He wasn't sure why he was glaring, or why he was taking out the big guns (he was using the Malfoy Glare™), but nevertheless, he glared away.

Sasuke, surprised by the defiance, furrowed his eyebrows even further. "Hn" (What are you looking at Blondie?)

Draco, internally raged, _No one calls me Blondie and gets away with it. My hair is not blond, it is flaxen dammit!!_ Outwardly, he smirked. "…?!" (Who you calling Blondie, pretty boy?!)

Sasuke also smirked. _This should be interesting. The only other person who understands me when I talk like this is the dobe._ "…" (Obviously you, idiot)

Draco let his smirk fall off his lips and frowned. _Malfoys are never called 'idiot'. It is an insult to our intelligence! _"Hn" (Pigeon-butt hair)

Sasuke's internal jaw dropped, before giving a slight growl. _That…thing…did _not_ just insult an Uchiha's hair! Who the hell does he think he is?!_ Sasuke replied to the insult with his longest sentence yet"…!! Hn…" (My hair is better than your's!! You user of inferior hair products…)

Draco was getting ready to reply but he was tackled to the ground by a FBO (Flying Black Object). He would have started yelling at it for disturbing his conversation with the pretty boy if he hadn't realised that said pretty boy had also been tackled by an FBO, but the meaning of the letters was different. Flying Blonde Object.

The two flying objects looked over the heads of the boys that they just had tackled and let matching grins spread over their face with the same mischievous sparkle in their eyes.

"Now, now," they chided the boys they had landed on simultaneously. "No silent conversations with each other when you haven't even bothered to introduce yourselves! "What is this world coming to?" they sighed exasperatedly.

Sasuke and Draco looked at their respective sorry excuses for a captor, then looked away with a "Hn" They did not realise Harry was casting the language spell on both of them until they were covered in the sparks that was the result of the spell. With the spell done and out of the way, Harry stood up and faced the two people still sprawled out on the floor.

"Hello. I'm Harry Potter and _that_," Harry pointed at Draco, "is Draco Malfoy. We are from the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry."

Sasuke regarded the two with his best death glare. Of course, it would have had more effect if he wasn't being used as, well, as a nice, grassy piece of ground that blonde, orange-wearing ninjas liked to sit on. Sasuke inwardly huffed at the lack of fear in everybody's eyes. _Damn. It looks like my skills are slipping. _

Naruto grinned, splitting his face completely in two. No joke. "Hi!" he exclaimed, "I'm _the _Naruto Uzumaki and _that_," Naruto pointed to the boy he was on top of (mind OUT of the gutter), "is Sasuke Uchiha. Like I said before, we are from here, also known as Konoha.

Harry clapped his hands together. "Now the introductions are out of the way, do you have any food around here? I'm hungry."

Naruto was on his feet instantly on hearing the word 'food'. "C'mon! I know this great place…" Sasuke snorted. Naruto ignored him. "…that has the best miso ramen EVER!!!!"

Draco rolled his eyes. _Merlin, I'm dealing with another idiot. _"Sorry to burst your bubble, Naruko(2), but shouldn't you be taking us to see your higher ups so that we can sort this mess out?"

Sasuke inwardly snickered. _Naruko…haha…look at his face…_On the outside, he merely looked bored. _Thank god for Uchiha masks…_

Naruto was puffing up his cheeks not unlike a puffer fish that felt threatened. Unfortunately, it did not have the same effect as a puffer fish and only served to make him look childish. "My name is NOT 'Naruko'!! It is Naru_to_. With a 't' dammit!!! And I'll have you know that I _am_ the 'higher up' around here!" Naruto glared at Draco and then turned his glare at Sasuke who was suppressing a snort. "Shut up!"

To Sasuke, said glare looked like a feeble, toddler attempt at a glare. Of course not everyone is a seasoned glare warrior like Sasuke but still! _You would expect that after being on the receiving end of my perfect glares most of the time, he would have picked up some tips on how to actually look intimidating when he is glaring. Not cute like that. Ugh. I did not just say cute in context with that person. _"Naruto. Please stop with your delusional fantasies. We all know you _want_ to be Hokage but it is never going to happen." Turning to face Harry and Draco, he said "The leader of this village is called Tsunade. Hokage is her title. Come, I will take you to her." And off he marched, fully expecting the other three to follow him. What happened, instead, was the intrusion of…

"SASUKE-KUUUUUN!!!!!!"

…_that_ thing, as well as…

"Yo."

_Him_.

Sasuke valiantly fought against the urge to cry. _Dammit. Why did they have to show up _now_? We were doing perfectly fine before. _He let a small whimper to escape his lips. Not that anyone noticed. And if you told him otherwise, he would burn you just for the pleasure of knowing that you were forever silenced. _Ah the wonders of fire jutsus… but that is not the point. The point is that these foreigners need to see Tsunade, but with "OMG you're so HOT!" and "Ooo porn" around, that is never going to happen._

However, before Sasuke could formulate an achievable plan, the little pink fly had buzzed over to the foreigners and proceeded to look over the two. Then she had latched on to the dark haired one and promptly forgot all about Sasuke.

"OMG you're so HOT! Marry me!" said Sakura, images of her pending wedding with the HOT black haired teen ran through her mind, making her eyes sparkle, or maybe 'glint' would be the better word.

If Harry thought he was a trapped lamb before, he obviously had _not_ met his fanclub. "Uhhh…" was the most intelligent thing he could force out of his shocked vocal chords. _Did that girl just call me…hot? Wait, was that a marriage proposal? Even more importantly, what is up with her hair? I mean pink? The only other person I've seen with pink hair was that buff man in a black cloak and carrying a matching pink garden scythe(3) back in London. _

Draco rolled his eyes. _Honestly, has he never seen a fangirl before? _Draco smiled the fake smile he had formulated especially for occasions such as this, "I'm sorry but we need to see your leader. I'm afraid that we need to discuss some pressing matters with her." _There, that should do it. _Draco smirked. _Watch the master at work, Ha – er Potter. _

Unfortunately for Draco, Sakura merely went "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE" and latched onto him with her other arm. "OMG you're so HOT too!" Sakura turned to Harry and plastered a sweet (she thought so anyway) smile across her face and asked "Do you mind if our marriage is not exclusive? I would hate to have to bind myself to just _one_ delectable guy"

Harry, however, had used that opportune moment to slip out of the psychotic pink-haired girl's grasp and was cowering slightly behind Naruto. It didn't help that Harry was slightly taller than him. Naruto looked at Sakura with a bemused expression on his face. "You can drop the act, Sakura. They aren't any danger to the village, otherwise Sasuke and I would have kicked their butt!." He turned to the newcomers and explained. "Sakura has a job to greet any male intruders with her best ditzy blonde/pinkette act. We find that it helps stop people from escaping and also helps in the interrogation process. Something about having a pretty girl attached to you makes the ego shoot up."

Sakura smiled at the two newcomers. "Let me reintroduce myself. Hi, my name is Sakura, resident medic in training. I am also the best matchmaker and tarot reader Konoha has ever seen so if you ever want to find your perfect someone or find out about your future, don't hesitate to contact me."

This relaxed scene was broken up by the fact that the dark aura Sasuke possessed had grown and was threatening to eat them all up if they didn't follow him. Sasuke strode away again and this time, everyone followed him. About a meter. They would have followed him further if a certain person hadn't stopped in the middle of the road and started staring (and drooling) at a huge billboard to the left that screamed:

ICHA ICHA PARADAISE – THE SPECIAL EDITION YAOI MOVIE!!!!

-Insert image of two boys in a rather compromising situation-

The situation was highly amusing to any onlookers. Or it would be if there were any around, but they were all safely in their houses, hiding their children from one Uchiha Sasuke.

Harry looked at Naruto. "Um…is this an act too?"

Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by yelling that sounded like it came from Iruka-sensei.

"What are you doing!? Get your hands off of me you pervert!"

Naruto sighed, "Sadly, this is what he is really like. You get used to it after a while." He turned to Kakashi. "Oi! Get your hands off of Iruka-sensei! Geez didn't you learn any manners? You haven't even introduced yourself to our guests yet."

Kakashi smiled, "Sorry. I'm Hatake Kakashi, the former teacher of those three," he jerked a thumb at Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke. 'Those three' glared at him. "He is also the biggest pervert you will ever meet" added Naruto.

Harry whispered to Draco, "Is he smiling? I can't tell because of his mask."

Draco whispered back, "I can't tell either. All I can see of his face is one of his eyes."

By now, Sasuke's eye was twitching in annoyance. _That's it. We're going _my_ way._ He grabbed Harry and Draco, one in each hand, and disappeared in a whirl of smoke. Sasuke inwardly rejoiced. _ I love it when I do things my way. _

Harry and Draco, on the other hand, had died one death between them (they both half died) although Draco seemed to be handling it a bit better than Harry, who was screaming in a very high pitched and unmanly manner. Even though they had stopped moving. About a minute after they had stopped, Sakura and Naruto arrived, towing Kakashi behind them.

Draco looked over at them, raising an eyebrow. "How did you get here so fast?"

Sakura smiled, looking pointedly at Harry. "We followed the screams."

Harry had stopped screaming and his face had acquired an unbecoming shade of red. Naruto looked concerned, "How are you feeling?"

Harry attempted to smile. It came out looking like a snarl. "I'm fine," he muttered, trying to pry his pride off the floor. His sulking was interrupted by a rather rude 'ahem' that came from Sasuke.

"This is the Hokage Tower, where our Hokage works and occasionally sleeps." Sasuke said.

"The old hag is more often than not in a bad mood. Just a warning so you won't be surprised at any of her odd behaviour. There is also a big chance that she will be drinking on the job." Naruto added.

Draco's lips twitched, "Old hag?"

Naruto had the grace to be embarrassed. Scratching the back of his head, he said, "Just an old nickname. She looks young, but her age the equivalent of a grandmother. She gets really pissed when I call her that. It's funny. This vein on her temple pops out and her eye twitches. Quite similar to Sasuke when he's really annoyed to tell you the truth."

Harry and Draco looked at each other. _Just what kind of person is this 'Tsunade' anyway?_

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Footnotes:

(1)_ Perceptum Lingua_ means 'understand language' in Latin…well that's what the online translator told us anyway…

(2) For those of you who don't know, 'Naruko' is like the female version of 'Naruto'

(3) Uhh…just a little reference to Kingdom Hearts here. If you don't know it, then don't worry because they are not regular characters, just passing randoms.

AN:

Chi-chan: Uhhh…Sakura was not supposed to come off as such a…player? Airhead? That's why I came up with the whole "this is an illusion and not what I am really like" thing.

Ki-chan: oh well. Did you know that we went through hell and back in the making of this chapter???

Chi-chan: Correction, _I _went through hell and back trying to get you to work up the motivation to write this.

Ki-chan: details…anyway, this is basically introductions and all…that'll be the case for the next chapter as well, so sorry for lack of plot! (not to mention the huge amount of – bad – crack)

Chi-chan: Thank you to our wonderful reviewers!

Ki-chan: And to those who haven't reviewed yet, your opinions are always welcome (just remember we have a friend who specializes in Medieval torture…o.O).


	4. Chapter 3

Chi-Chan: oh my god! We're so bloody damned sorry the chappie took so fricking long!

Ki-Chan: It's your fault!

Chi-Chan: Meep~ and it's not even that good T.T it's mostly filler, but we tried to introduce some plot.

Ki-Chan: We failed miserably.

Chi-Chan: Well, enjoy it if you can, don't be too angry.

Disclaimer: you've read our story; do we _sound_ like J.K Rowling to you?

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The group of people walked to Tsunade's office, on the top floor. Just as they were approaching the door, however, they heard furious shouting coming from inside. Sakura, knowing Tsunade the best, warned the others to stay out of the way. Confused, Harry and Draco did as they were told, as did Naruto and Sasuke. Kakashi however, was still immersed in the idea of a Yaoi edition of Icha Icha Paradise and hadn't realised the danger of standing outside the door. You'd think that with his ninja reflexes he would have been able to dodge it. Poor soul.

The voices in the office escalated until they stopped altogether. Following a four second lapse was a huge *BAM* and a something flying out through the door and knocking down Kakashi on it's way to contact with the wall opposite. That something was later identified as a man with long white hair and red facial markings.

Harry and Draco stared at said man, disbelief the main emotion swirling in their eyes. They now understood why Sakura had insisted that they stay clear of the door, but that still didn't explain how the man had gone through the wall.

"What have I told you about keeping your perverted hands to yourself?!" thundered from inside the office.

Harry slowly looked at the source of the (extremely) loud voice. His eyes boggled. _Are those real?!_ Like any healthy sixteen year old boy, his eyes had been instantly drawn to the huge –ahem– boobs that seemed to be popping out of the woman's top. It took a knock to the head from Draco to regain his focus.

Draco looked at his with an eyebrow raised. (What the hell do you think you're doing? It would be preferable if you didn't make a bad first impression.)

Harry attempted to reply in the same fashion (i.e. without the use of words). The message Draco got was 'Jeez your lips are kissable' he raised his other eyebrow, the Malfoy equivalent of a 'huh' with a slight smirk on his face and looked at Harry like he was parading as Santa in a thong.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Shut up, I don't care what I said in your damn 'prat language' and c'mon be realistic, how can you _not_ be looking at _those_?" he whispered furiously to Draco.

Draco was stopped from making a reply by a rather harsh 'come in'. They both entered the office through the hole in the door. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were already in there, having to explain their appearance to Tsunade while Harry and Draco were conversing with each other.

She looked at them and sighed. "Let me get this straight. You two appeared out of nowhere in the middle of a training ground. You both do not speak our language, but have managed to _manipulate_ it so that you can, using a stick as the medium."

Draco straightened indignantly. "I'll have you know that they are not 'sticks'. They are _wands_. And we are both _wizards_. Not manipulators like you said. Just wait 'til my _father_ hears about this."

Harry whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "Smooth, Malfoy. What was it you said about first appearances?"

Malfoy sent Harry a minimised glare out of the corner of his eyes that clearly stated with unrestrained disdain. "Fine Golden Boy, _you _deal with it." Letting his lips curl into a sneer, he stepped back smugly, already thinking of ways to tease Harry of his ineloquence.

"Madam, please ignore the brat that is next to me, he is unused to civilised company." Draco's jaw dropped at Harry's statement. "Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Harry Potter, I come from England, wizarding London, to be more exact. I am pleased to meet your acquaintance."

_Take that Malfoy_

Draco resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He succeeded. Partially. Not really.

"I'm Tsunade the Hokage and that pile of shit lying on the floor there, his name is Jiraiya. So that blonde brat says you're wizards." Draco bristled "How intriguing, you're from England too! How can you speak our language again? You know what? Never mind, I don't want to know, and since you're here already, we need to get you somewhere half decent to stay. From what I understand, you two are going to be here for the unforeseeable future. Well then, Sasuke, you take goldilocks there, and brat, you take Scar-head. Dismissed" Tsunade turned to look at Sasuke and Naruto "Report at your old training ground tomorrow morning. With those two. Seven o'clock _sharp_. In the morning. Dismissed."

Draco and Harry both blinked rather slowly, stunned by the fast tirade of one sided conversation. "I _said _you're _dismissed_ and that means all of you my lovely puppies. _Now_. Shizune! Where's my damned sake?!"

Sakura and Naruto shared an exasperated sigh that only those who knew this behaviour well could emit and frogmarched the two shell-shocked and slightly confused guests out of the office. "Hang on a minute; did that lady pair me up with the chicken butt guy?" Draco squawked.

"Hn. Goldilocks"

"Useless pretty boy."

"Takes one to know one."

"So you're admitting that you're a useless pretty boy?"

"Would you two shut up and stop flirting?" Naruto interjected, irritated for reasons that he doesn't understand. He received two well aimed death glares and flinched; one bastard in town was really enough.

"Yo Naruto! Wassup homie? Who're the new guys?" a voice called from afar. "…yo," added the voice as an afterthought.

"Kiba, you suck at being gangster, trust me, you're a better ninja, and that's saying something." Kiba squawked a bit at the rude comment "These guys are from wizarding London, they'll be here for a while. Harry, the one with the glasses would be staying with me and the blonde, irate one is called Draco, he'd be staying with Sasuke. Ten bucks on them killing each other within the month." Naruto betted shamelessly.

"Huh, well welcome to Konoha Harry, Draco."

"Thanks, your name is Kiba right?"

"Damn straight." Kiba proceeded to look expectantly at Draco, who of course was too busy having a silent insult fest with Sasuke to notice. Kiba's eyes narrowed. "So… where's London again?"

Sakura rolled her eyes "England, you know, in Europe?" she informed with greatly suppressed impatience.

"Right, sure I do. And Europe's in Antarctica. _Everyone_ knows that. Anyway, I got to get back to Akamaru, he gets lonely without me. Come visit me with Naruto any time you like Harry, bring your friend along if you… want. Bye!" Kiba was soon a dot in the distance.

Harry blinked slowly again, this was all shaping up to have a very dream-like quality. Maybe he'll wake up soon, hearing Ron's thunderous snores and Seamus' mutterings. Yes, that would be preferable. As crazy as that sounded. He felt a sharp elbow digging into his side. It hurt. Not a dream then. Harry glared at Draco "What the fuck was that for?" he seethed.

Draco gave him a look that said 'Do I need a fricking reason?' but actually said, with his whole body held taunt, "You're spacing out. I'm swapping arrangements with you. _You _can deal with the one with an icicle up his arse." Anyone could tell he was trying very hard to be polite to Harry and finding it extremely difficult.

Harry's eyebrows rose up and beyond his hairline. He was actually considering this, seeing as this was Malfoy, that is, until he remembered this was _Malfoy_. So, with a little evil smirk he called out to Naruto "Hey, Naruto! Draco here says that he wants to swap with me because you are cuter than Sasuke. Is that okay?"

Several things happened at once. Draco choked on his own spit. Sasuke activated Sharingan and tried to take out Draco. Harry whipped out his wand just in time to cast a tripping hex at Sasuke and watched as the Uchiha face-planted in the dirt for the second time that day. Naruto, the ever cheerful idiot, simply let his brain skip over the implications and happily declared, "Let's have ramen!" to Harry. Denial isn't only a river in Egypt.

Draco seethed. _You just made it to first place on my Black List, Potter._

"Come have ramen with us Sasuke, you too Draco."

Draco brightened slightly at the invite; he really was a very social person. A sudden thought struck him, "Wait, uh… Naruto right? What exactly is this _ra-men_?"

Draco got a feeling akin to being apparated, only there was a lot more pushing and blonde hair flashing past his eyes. When he actually got his bearings he found himself in a very oriental surrounding with lots of tables and chairs and a wonderful smell, there were also lots of people eating what appear to be noodles. He used his most superior brain power and deducting skills to deem it a restaurant.

"Teuchi! Bring me five bowls of miso ramen!" Naruto shouted.

Draco's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "Hey twat, who gives you the right to order for us all?"

"Huh? I ordered for all of you? I only ordered for myself though!"

"You're meaning to say… that the five bowls of miso ramen is all for you?"

"Well duh! Who else? As if I'd ever be satisfied with anything less than five."

Draco stayed silent after that, choosing to ignore the being that he refuses to understand. He gave the menu a cursory glance before his eyes zeroed in on the words 'spring onions'. Everyone has their own fetishes right? Not that he was turned on by them or anything; it's just that he had a _strong _liking for them.

So two bowls of ramen-with-extra-spring-onions later, Draco Malfoy was quite satisfied. He watched as Naruto gulped down his sixth helping of ramen and snorted in disgust. His eyes wandered over to see Sasuke look at Naruto with a strange light in his eyes, his brain made a connection that he stored away for later analysis. His eyes then fell on Harry and his heart gave a mighty flop at the sight of Harry's struggle with his chopsticks, he made himself look away quickly; the sight made him want to act un-Malfoyish and that was just not on. So he forced his eyes onto the last member at the table, Sakura, who stayed relatively quiet throughout the whole time they were eating, now however, her eyes connected with Draco's and gave him a knowing smile. Draco frowned, he hated not knowing everything.

One thing Draco definitely didn't know was that two pair of eyes watched them, one blood red and unblinking, one yellow and narrowed.

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A/N:

Chi-Chan: just in case there is a misunderstanding, Itachi is a good guy in this story, and _should _appear. Take a guess who the red-eyed one is.

Ki-Chan: Ushishishishishi!!!!!!

Chi-Chan: = ="… you get used to it.


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